


Into the Night

by Azurith



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 00:50:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14249499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurith/pseuds/Azurith
Summary: After the freeing of Ala Mhigo a celebration is held, but after all the loss, pain and suffering the WoL isn't in the mood to join the celebration. When perched high on a cliff she runs into someone who tries to help her heal old wounds.





	Into the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty general WoL, assumes female (No race) and WHM and DRG classes. The Heavensward MSQ is pretty mean for healers.

A sigh escaped a woman’s lips standing on the side of the cliff overlooking Ala Mhigo. They had technically won the day , but many bodies lay at her feet. The warrior of light wondered how many more people she’d have to kill. Or have sacrifice themselves for her. Haurchefant still weighed heavily on her heart. The man had loved her, even if she didn’t return the feelings the warrior of light had considered him one of her closest friends and in the end had made the ultimate sacrifice to keep her safe.

“I could have survived that blow, Hydaelyn would have made sure of it.” She whispered into the wind. Tears once more in her eyes. The goddess wouldn’t let her die, that had been proven over and over again. “How could you ask me to smile when when you’d just thrown your life away for me damnit.”

So many of her friends and comrades were gone. Minfilla had become the avatar of Hydaelyn, lost to them now in a distant world. Papalymo had sacrificed himself to stop Shinryu. Something he only had to do because she had failed to deal with the eyes properly in the first place. How had throwing them off the cliff been a good idea. She knew what the Ascian’s were capable of, even if Ayermic didn’t as he had called out the command.

Yasle had sacrificed herself so she might make the world a better place, but all she’d done was fuck things up worse.

Yshola was alive, but barely. Alisae very much the same. She’d never had been able to look Alphiaud in the eyes again if his sister had died on her watch.

Her hands were turning white as her fists gripped tighter.

So many pointless deaths all because of her.

So many deaths under her belt. She took her white mage souls stone from her pocket and chucked it off the cliff in front of her as the wind picked up around her. She had trained to be a healer but what good was it when she couldn't save her friends. When they died in her arms?

And she didn’t know what to make of Zenos, he had been a horrible terrible man, done unspeakable things, but in the end….in the end she had felt almost like they were friends? Two sides of the same coin. His upbringing had made him into a monster, while hers had made her a hero. When he asked her if she accepted him, she’d said yes without hesitation. A statement that had shocked herself but it was true.

The monster had been crying out for help, and in the end she couldn’t save him either.

She fell to her knees, and despite everything she hated herself because the one loss she felt more than anything was of the one who was still alive.

In her travels she had taken up lancing as away to making killing lesser mobs on her solo adventures less of a hassle. She’d never believed it would have lead her to meet Estinien Wyrmblood. When she met him as a Dragoon he had been angry , in pain and a fugitive on the run.

She had found in him a kindred soul, they both had been tied to the eye of Nidhogg and bore the title Azure Dragoon. She learned his story his reason for vengeance and her heart ached for his loss, even as she stood between him and his prey. It was painful for him to reveal that he’d had the same feelings, but in his rage cast them aside because she wouldn’t allow him to kill her teacher and the man that had raised him.

In the end though they had manage to repair their relationship and become friends. Estinien had seemed happy to see her again when their paths crossed once more in Camp Dragonhead. Well as happy as Estinien got anyway.

Then ….the dragonsong war had happened. They had grown much closer over their travels around Dravania. And she had felt herself falling in love with the man.

She had intended to tell him when everything was over, the words on the tip of her tongue after Thordan was vanquished. She hadn’t even thought to keep one of the eye’s in her possession when….

The scene of him twisting in agony was forever seared into her brain. Nidhogg emerging, and then her breath hitched as the memory flooded her mind. Fighting Nidhogg on the Steps of Faith, and Estinien asking her to kill him. She had been frozen as her chest clenched, unable to move until she saw Alphiaund rush forward and in an instant she was at his side pulling the eyes away……

She shutted as the wind carried away her tears. Seeing the eyes lying the the Menagerie had brought everything rushing back to her.

When Estinien awoke, he had barely stayed around long enough for them to know he was ok, before leaving them. Leaving her behind. The thought that he might have developed the same feelings for her left with him. And as he left behind his title she too left behind her lance, not willing to pick it up again for the painful memories it brought with it.

Down below there was a great revelry , Ala Mhigo was free and all of her friends had been there even Aymeric had stayed. But she was not in the partying spirit. Every victory came with a loss to her and while she didn’t begrudge the newly friend people their happiness, such gatherings left her bitter.

The isolation was real. And right now her mind was on what was coming next, who else was she going to lose, victories only ended up leading to more pain later in her life. She had already started to distance herself from the remaining scions.

Maybe , just maybe it was her turn to just walk away.

Her fist hit the ground, no Hydaelyn would never stand for that, something would just drag her back in and once again the world would be on her shoulders.

In her state she didn’t hear the footsteps or the clanking armor until they were almost upon her. “You look far worse for wear then the last time I saw you my friend.”

The voice shot through her as her eyes went wide and her tear stained face whipped to land on long silver hair blowing in the wind….and that face….the face that haunted her so. “Est-Estinien…” she stammered out breathlessly.

“Aye, I feel honored you remember me.” he smiled before moving to sit down beside her. “Though I had not thought I would run into anyone up here. One would think you’d be celebrating your hard earned victory with your friends. “

 _‘Of course I remember you, you idiot._ ’ She wanted to scream. But instead she offered him a weak smile. “I feel not much like celebrating I’m afraid. To many died or were injured for me to consider it something cheering for.” she supplied.

Estinien didn’t say anything in reply his eyes just cast down the the party below. They sat like for several minutes before he sighed. “You really are to much like me.” he shook his head. “I hadn’t intended to bother you , now or ever again. I had caused you so much pain. But I couldn’t stay away. I wanted to make sure you were safe.” he confessed.

She looked up at him in shook and finally she closed her eyes in anger at his words. “You left to avoid causing me pain!” she wanted to scream. “Do you know how much it hurt when I realized you were gone? How many nights I cried because…..” she trailed off before she finished.

He looked truly startled. “I had never meant to cause you more pain, I should have known.” he ran a hand through his head. “I only came out tonight because you had that look in your eyes. I knew you were hurting, and there was no one who would find you up here….” he trailed of. Estinien was never good with words but he had gotten better in his time away from Ishgard. It seem the warrior of light had only gotten worse.

“I didn’t want to be found. I wanted to let them have their happiness, I can handle my pain, I’ve grown very used to it.” Here she was opening up to him like book. It was going to hurt later….when he left again. He was the only one that seemed to understand her.

“You sound very much like I did when I left Ishgard. I didn’t want …” he sighed, closing his eyes. “I didn’t want to remind you of the horrible things that happened when it was a happy time. Ishgard was changing, the war was over, but I was not in a place to enjoy such things.”

The warrior of light looked up at him, eyes softening a bit. If that was truly how he felt, then yes she did understand. “I want to run from them, take all my pain, and this curse that follows me around and keep them safe from me. I don’t want anyone else to die because I didn’t make the right decision. “ tears started to form at the corners of her eyes once more.

Estinien’s hand reached up to cup her cheek and wipe the tears away. She froze before leaning into his head. Her had came up to cover his. “ You've never been at fault for someone else's pain. You've done everything in your power to help and protect people, your kindness left you vulnerable to the harsh realities of this world. You found even someone like me worth saving." he sighed. "  It wasn’t easy, leaving you. I wondered if it was the right decision even as I walked out Ishgard’s gates. Even more so now. “

“I loved you.” she muttered between tears. “I would have followed you anywhere.”

Estinien gave her an unreadable expression, before he closed his eyes. “I was a fool.” he shook his head. “I didn’t think you’d ever look at me again, not after in my weakness I let the wyrm consume my body. I loved you too then, though I could not find the will to say or act on it for fear of Nidhogg using it as a weakness. “

The warrior of light just threw herself into Estinien’s lap. “I was the fool, damnit, I should never have given you his other eye, I bore the title of Azure Dragoon too and it was just as much my responsibility. I made you take on twice the wyrm's power on your own. “

He was startled at the woman in his lap but simply wrapped his arms around her, maybe he hadn’t completely lost her after all. “That wasn’t your fault, we both thought Nidhogg vanquished. We thought it the end.” he replied. “I never once blamed you.”

She settled in for a moment. “Do you still love me, even when I’m in this big of a mess?” she asked as her chest tightened.

“With every breath.” He replied before leaning down to place a kiss on her lips. It was short but it sent a shock through her system.

“I still love you too. Estinien, I’m glad you came back to me tonight.” She finally said looking up at him.

Estinien was done talking for the moment as he held her tight, trying to convey with his actions that he never planned to leave her again. It was like that they sat through the night, as the bonfires died down, and the sun started to spill over the horizon once more.

Pain was still in her future, the warrior of light knew that for sure, but maybe just maybe with this man, she could finally look forward to something.


End file.
